No, How Are You, Really?
Are You OK? How are you doing?
Every time someone asks me this question lately, I feel a sense of confusion, occasionally followed by a rising frustration. I’m fine. I have food, a job, a support network, and even toilet paper. Nothing has changed since the last time I was asked this question.
Was something wrong? No. But was I really OK? I’m….not sure.
I’m not fine. But my rational brain couldn’t latch on to a good enough reason why I am not fine at this very moment, so I tell others (and myself) that I am fine.
But I have an underlying unease that I can’t fully shake. I have days where I feel completely unmotivated or unfocused, and even small acts of productivity seem like a Herculean effort. Then there are other days where I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy at the sight of flowers blooming. The problem was, I never knew when my feelings would switch.
There were parts of this that were easy to understand. The external triggers small and large that remind us that life has changed— the empty shelves in the supermarket, the irate jogger who yells at us to move, the continuous predictions of economic doom, and the friends who have lost their jobs.
