Member-only story
My Unconditional Offer to You
When I was 18 and first started going out to clubs with friends and drinking alcohol, my brother made me an offer that taught me a lot about what it means to really show up for someone.
He made me an unconditional offer.
“I don’t care what time it is or how far away you are. If the person driving you has been drinking, you call me. I’ll be there. I promise I won’t ask any questions.”
To this day it reminds me of what unconditional actually means — no judgment, no shame, no strings attached.
Every day, we say the word “love” a lot. We casually slip it into conversation with our partners and our children. “Love ya, honey,” we say distractedly as they walk out the door.
Yet, often — our actions tell them that our love is conditional. You may get annoyed at your child because they are not behaving in the way you want or you may withdraw affection from your partner because of some perceived disappointment. In big and small ways, our actions say, “I always love you, but I love you a little more when you behave the way I want.”
How often do you make someone an unconditional offer?
