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The hidden emotion and the real reason we don’t talk about it
“I’m lonely, May.”
This sentence floored me — because it was so raw, but mostly because of who had said it.
Like most Asian men of his generation, my father has never been able to express emotion. This was further compounded by the fact that he was adopted as a child and grew up in an environment devoid of affection. Even at age 70, he receives emotion like an awkward teenager. A typical attempt at emotional expression tends to go like this:
“I love you, Papa.”
“Umm..are you hungry?”
Which I suppose was better than my first attempt.
“I love you, Papa.”
“How much money do you need?”
He couldn’t express that he missed me terribly when I left home, or that he was extremely worried when I would go on solo rock climbing trips or that he was immensely proud of my accomplishments. It always came out through some roundabout comment.
“Your mum is worried about you. She wants you to come home.”
“May, I don’t think the place you want to go to is that nice. I hear there are better mountains here. Also, you can see it better on TV. They have helicopters that can film places you can’t get to.”
